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Dating Women and Playing Magic

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Dating and Magic by Sean FitzGerald

There was once an article by Darwin Kastle on dating women after the Jon Finkel / Gizmodo girl fiasco. I realized not only that are there a lot of issues about Magic players dating, but also that we’re quite passionate about those issues and most of us know nothing. This led me to believe I should throw my hat in the ring as I have nowhere near the magic prowess of Osyp or Darwin but I have been quite successful with the ladies in the past, so this is my chance to shine as a writer. How succesful with the ladies you ask? Well, let me just put it this way, on Facebook, I have 13(!) female friends with 6(!!!) more pending!!!!

So, I'm here to turn that lump of clay Osyp laid down into a finely sculpted masterpiece that will inspire you to get the ladies the same way cheese inspires you to eat sandwiches!

Darwin's article first asked the questions;

  1. How do I best interact with women who play Magic?
  2. How do I balance Magic and dating?
  3. How do I best approach the subject of being a Magic player with women who don’t play?

And he thought some of the best answers were;

Be excellent.

Present yourself well.

Flirt.

Be different.

Have a plan.

Know your competition.

Know her.

Then he told us how he is single because he left his fiancé for a Pro Tour.

…...(awkward silence).........

I'm sorry, I don't want to offend, but I'm not likely to take financial advice from the broke banker living homeless on the street, I want listen to the dude with tight pants and a Porsche!

So I'm going to address these questions and answers here today and hopefully turn you into the type of stud who will be the envy of all at your local PTQ without even having to win a game! Let's be honest, winning games is tough.

Section 1. The Questions

-How do I best interact with women who play Magic?

Don't. They play Magic. This is not a good sign. In fact, this is a warning sign. Seriously. Just don't talk to them at all. If they try talk to you just smile, raise your hand, call a judge and walk away. Just walk away.

-How do I balance Magic and dating?

This is a little bit more difficult but can be handled with relative ease. When you meet a girl for the first time and you start to get to know each other, she will ask what you do for a living. So you will tell her what your job is, but then you add “....but that's just my cover!” In a low grizzly voice. Obviously she will become more interested and ask you to explain. You tell her;

“I do a lot of “special” (do the air quotes to signify the ones I've just done here, chicks dig air quotes.) work for the government. It often requires travel at the weekends, where I have to disappear for the whole weekend with some colleagues, the less I tell you the safer you'll be.” Chicks love tough guys looking out for their safety.

Now you are completely free to travel to any PTQ or GP at the weekend without any questions from her. When she asks what you're doing for the weekend just tell her;

“Sorry baby, top secret, would love to tell you but it's for your own protection I don't.”

Chicks love secrets.

Again, deep husky voice is a must. Then when you come back from your PTQ and she asks;

“How was your weekend?”

You reply;

“Did you hear about that massive revolution in Brazil that killed off their government?”

“......No?!”

“...Exactly.”

Now you haven't lied or said anything wrong, but she will assume you are a badass and treat you accordingly. (accordingly here is good for you ...because chicks love badasses!)

This has worked for me for years, if she asks any questions you don't want to answer you just tell her she'll be safer if she doesn't know. If you forget something or get something wrong (like her name) you tell her you're just using a cover right now because you're being watched.

“I'm sorry Jenny, I have to run, you're going to have to get the bill.”

“My name is Jessica!”

“I know, but they're watching, and I just want to keep you safe.”

Watch her swoon.

-How do I best approach the subject of being a Magic player with women who don’t play?

You don't. Ever. (Unless you hate sex)

With those questions answered (perfectly) we can now look at the advice that Darwin gave and evaluate it with our critical eye.

Section 2. Darwin's Advice

-Be excellent.

Now, after reading this, I felt a little surprised. “Really? Be excellent? Chicks like excellent?!? Oh my god, here I was all these years sucking, thinking that's exactly what girls want, but the whole time I should have just have been excellent the whole time! What a fool I've been!”

Right, because that's sage advice. However, Darwin did go on to expand that to get girls he meant that you should be excellent at Magic. There are two problems with this.

  1. As we have mentioned above you do not want your prospective female to know about Magic, so therefore she will never know how excellent you are at it.
  2. If “being excellent” at Magic got girls, you really think Jon Finkel would have had the trouble with that girl that started this whole thing?!

Now don't get me wrong, if you think you can be more excellent than Jon at Magic go for it. I just don't think it's a place I can get to. (I can barely compete with how he wears hats!)

-Present yourself well

Again, you were probably as shocked as I was about this one. Darwin was kind enough to expand it with;

“Don’t come to the event unshowered and wearing a sloppy tee-shirt and jeans.”

If this came as a surprise to you then I got bad news buddy, this article isn't going to save you, no article will. You need to find help! ….badly! …...now!

Seriously Darwin?! How much respect do you have for your peers if you think telling them to shower, dress well and present themselves well is the one mistake they are making when talking to girls?!

-Flirt

This one at least I can agree with, although again, it shouldn't come as a surprise. However, the thing about flirting is we all do it differently, and some are better than others, i.e.; me. They key is not to try copy someone else’s style but to be comfortable with your own. If you're not comfortable with the flirting style you're using you're probably going to mess up.

My flirting style is being hot and being awesome. It works quite well. It is however very difficult to imitate. If you can imitate being as hot as me then I would definitely go with that one. Being as awesome as me however is super hard to pull off, don't try it. Just try to be funny with something like

“Two peanuts were walking down the road. One was a salted.”

Chicks dig humor.

Try to keep your jokes simple though, as you’ll probably get nervous talking to a girl and mess it up.

-Be different.

You play Magic and you're probably a nerd. You're different enough, you're not going to have to try any harder.

-Have a plan.

“No battle plan survives contact with the enemy”  - Helmuth von Moltke the Elder

This is not to say you shouldn't have a plan, I just believe your plan should be a very rough draft and be open to improvisation. ….like any good game of Magic really.

Wow, I just totally got a piece of Magic strategy advice in here too, totally for free!

-Know your competition.

If your competition hasn't read this article, you're fine.

If it has …..ID?

-Know her.

Aaaaaaaaaand we're back to the super obvious advice! ….Her name is a good place to start, thanks Darwin.

As you can see, Darwin didn't give the greatest advice for success. If he advises you about Magic, you would be foolish not to listen. His advice on women however....... let's just say it's lucky I'm here. You can thank me in your wedding speech.

Section 3. Sean's Advice

Some of these will seem pretty obvious. Almost as obvious as Darwin's advice. However, the amount of people I see ignoring these things at every Magic tournament I go to is scary.

Advice from the Fae
Versions:
Shadowmoor (Foil)

-Be hot.

Google me. You'll find pictures. I'm the hot one. You can see how easily I pull this off and it is by far the best thing I do to get women, since my personality or Magic skills really don't measure up to your average Magic player. Every tournament I go to, the amount of guys I see ignoring this rule is ridiculous. Buy nice clothes, get a stylist, watch “Queer eye for the straight guy!” (secretly) These things are not difficult to do.

-Be rich/powerful.

Donal Trump/Nicolas Sarkozy/Hugh Hefner. What do they have in common? It sure as sugar ain't their good looks or personalities. What these guys have in common are super-hot wives! ….and money and power.

Not a coincidence!

“.....but I'm rich in spirit!” ain't getting you didly squat either! So go out there and get that job or run for office!

-Failing rich or powerful be awesome.

Awesomeness differs for all of us, but what women like in a man is manners, a good sense of humor, empathy, the ability to admit you're wrong and a genuine will to help others.

And if you thought that was all BS then congratulations my friend, you are on the right track.

All the things above are what women THINK they want. As we established above however, women make no sense at all, so trying to work out what they actually want beyond ice cream is ridiculous.

What they actually want is the bad boy. Be cocky, make jokes about them.

“Do these jeans make my butt look fat?”

“No”

“Awwww thanks hun!”

“Don't blame the jeans, your butt makes your butt look fat.”

Then laugh at them, women dig guys who are emotionally secure and never cry!

Don't be afraid to tell her how hot you think her friends are. This will push her to look hotter. Chicks love competition, you will be the drive that pushes her. Every morning when she gets up she will look in the mirror and think “Am I good enough?”

As long as the answer is no, she will keep trying harder.

She will thank you for all this later.

In arguments, never back down. In the face of irrefutable proof just look at her and ask;

“Who are you going to believe? Me, or your eyes?!”

This will establish confidence in yourself and what girl doesn't love confidence?

If all above fails, hang out with Brian Kibler and live off his scraps!

I hope this article helped all you love sick bros out there because I love you all and just want you to be happy.

Any questions or issues you're having, don't be afraid to send a question my way.

Love

Sean

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