Dating and Magic by Sean
There was once an article by
Darwin Kastle on dating women after the Jon Finkel / Gizmodo girl fiasco. I
realized not only that are there a lot of issues about Magic players dating,
but also that we’re quite passionate about those issues and most of us know
nothing. This led me to believe I should throw my hat in the ring as I have
nowhere near the magic prowess of Osyp or Darwin but I have been quite successful
with the ladies in the past, so this is my chance to shine as a writer. How
succesful with the ladies you ask? Well, let me just put it this way, on Facebook,
I have 13(!) female friends with 6(!!!) more pending!!!!
So, I'm here to turn that
lump of clay Osyp laid down into a finely sculpted masterpiece that will
inspire you to get the ladies the same way cheese inspires you to eat
Darwin's article first
asked the questions;
- How do I
best interact with women who play Magic?
- How do I balance Magic and dating?
- How do I best approach the subject of being a Magic player with women who don’t
And he thought some of the
best answers were;
Present yourself well.
Have a plan.
Know your competition.
Then he told us how he is
single because he left his fiancé for a Pro Tour.
I'm sorry, I don't want to
offend, but I'm not likely to take financial advice from the broke banker
living homeless on the street, I want listen to the dude with tight pants and a
So I'm going to address
these questions and answers here today and hopefully turn you into the type of
stud who will be the envy of all at your local PTQ without even having to win a
game! Let's be honest, winning games is tough.
Section 1. The Questions
-How do I best interact with women who play Magic?
Don't. They play Magic.
This is not a good sign. In fact, this is a warning sign. Seriously. Just don't
talk to them at all. If they try talk to you just smile, raise your hand, call
a judge and walk away. Just walk away.
-How do I balance Magic and dating?
This is a little bit more
difficult but can be handled with relative ease. When you meet a girl for the
first time and you start to get to know each other, she will ask what you do
for a living. So you will tell her what your job is, but then you add “....but
that's just my cover!” In a low grizzly voice. Obviously she will become more
interested and ask you to explain. You tell her;
“I do a lot of “special”
(do the air quotes to signify the ones I've just done here, chicks dig air
quotes.) work for the government. It often requires travel at the weekends,
where I have to disappear for the whole weekend with some colleagues, the less
I tell you the safer you'll be.” Chicks love tough guys looking out for their
Now you are completely free
to travel to any PTQ or GP at the weekend without any questions from her. When
she asks what you're doing for the weekend just tell her;
“Sorry baby, top secret,
would love to tell you but it's for your own protection I don't.”
Chicks love secrets.
Again, deep husky voice is
a must. Then when you come back from your PTQ and she asks;
“How was your weekend?”
“Did you hear about that
massive revolution in Brazil that killed off their government?”
Now you haven't lied or said
anything wrong, but she will assume you are a badass and treat you accordingly.
(accordingly here is good for you ...because chicks love badasses!)
This has worked for me for
years, if she asks any questions you don't want to answer you just tell her she'll
be safer if she doesn't know. If you forget something or get something wrong
(like her name) you tell her you're just using a cover right now because you're
“I'm sorry Jenny, I have to
run, you're going to have to get the bill.”
“My name is Jessica!”
“I know, but they're
watching, and I just want to keep you safe.”
Watch her swoon.
-How do I best approach the subject of being a Magic player with women
who don’t play?
You don't. Ever. (Unless
you hate sex)
With those questions answered
(perfectly) we can now look at the advice that Darwin gave and evaluate it with
our critical eye.
Section 2. Darwin's
Now, after reading this, I
felt a little surprised. “Really? Be excellent? Chicks like excellent?!? Oh my
god, here I was all these years sucking, thinking that's exactly what girls
want, but the whole time I should have just have been excellent the whole time!
What a fool I've been!”
Right, because that's sage
advice. However, Darwin did go on to expand that to get girls he meant that you
should be excellent at Magic. There are two problems with this.
- As we have mentioned above you do not want your prospective female to know
about Magic, so therefore she will never know how excellent you are at it.
- If “being excellent” at Magic got girls, you really think Jon Finkel would have
had the trouble with that girl that started this whole thing?!
Now don't get me wrong, if
you think you can be more excellent than Jon at Magic go for it. I just don't
think it's a place I can get to. (I can barely compete with how he wears hats!)
-Present yourself well
Again, you were probably as
shocked as I was about this one. Darwin was kind enough to expand it with;
“Don’t come to the event
unshowered and wearing a sloppy tee-shirt and jeans.”
If this came as a surprise
to you then I got bad news buddy, this article isn't going to save you, no
article will. You need to find help! ….badly! …...now!
Seriously Darwin?! How much
respect do you have for your peers if you think telling them to shower, dress
well and present themselves well is the one mistake they are making when
talking to girls?!
This one at least I can
agree with, although again, it shouldn't come as a surprise. However, the thing
about flirting is we all do it differently, and some are better than others, i.e.;
me. They key is not to try copy someone else’s style but to be comfortable with
your own. If you're not comfortable with the flirting style you're using you're
probably going to mess up.
My flirting style is being
hot and being awesome. It works quite well. It is however very difficult to
imitate. If you can imitate being as hot as me then I would definitely go with
that one. Being as awesome as me however is super hard to pull off, don't try
it. Just try to be funny with something like
“Two peanuts were walking
down the road. One was a salted.”
Chicks dig humor.
Try to keep your jokes
simple though, as you’ll probably get nervous talking to a girl and mess it up.
You play Magic and you're
probably a nerd. You're different enough, you're not going to have to try any
-Have a plan.
“No battle plan survives
contact with the enemy” - Helmuth von Moltke the Elder
This is not to say you
shouldn't have a plan, I just believe your plan should be a very rough draft
and be open to improvisation. ….like any good game of Magic really.
Wow, I just totally got a
piece of Magic strategy advice in here too, totally for free!
-Know your competition.
If your competition hasn't
read this article, you're fine.
If it has …..ID?
Aaaaaaaaaand we're back to
the super obvious advice! ….Her name is a good place to start, thanks Darwin.
As you can see, Darwin
didn't give the greatest advice for success. If he advises you about Magic, you
would be foolish not to listen. His advice on women however....... let's just
say it's lucky I'm here. You can thank me in your wedding speech.
Section 3. Sean's Advice
Some of these will seem
pretty obvious. Almost as obvious as Darwin's advice. However, the amount of
people I see ignoring these things at every Magic tournament I go to is scary.
Google me. You'll find
pictures. I'm the hot one. You can see how easily I pull this off and it is by
far the best thing I do to get women, since my personality or Magic skills really
don't measure up to your average Magic player. Every tournament I go to, the
amount of guys I see ignoring this rule is ridiculous. Buy nice clothes, get a
stylist, watch “Queer eye for the straight guy!” (secretly) These things are
not difficult to do.
Sarkozy/Hugh Hefner. What do they have in common? It sure as sugar ain't their
good looks or personalities. What these guys have in common are super-hot wives!
….and money and power.
Not a coincidence!
“.....but I'm rich in
spirit!” ain't getting you didly squat either! So go out there and get that job
or run for office!
-Failing rich or powerful be awesome.
Awesomeness differs for all
of us, but what women like in a man is manners, a good sense of humor, empathy,
the ability to admit you're wrong and a genuine will to help others.
And if you thought that was
all BS then congratulations my friend, you are on the right track.
All the things above are
what women THINK they want. As we established above however, women make no
sense at all, so trying to work out what they actually want beyond ice cream is
What they actually want is
the bad boy. Be cocky, make jokes about them.
“Do these jeans make my
butt look fat?”
“Awwww thanks hun!”
“Don't blame the jeans,
your butt makes your butt look fat.”
Then laugh at them, women
dig guys who are emotionally secure and never cry!
Don't be afraid to tell her
how hot you think her friends are. This will push her to look hotter. Chicks
love competition, you will be the drive that pushes her. Every morning when she
gets up she will look in the mirror and think “Am I good enough?”
As long as the answer is
no, she will keep trying harder.
She will thank you for all
In arguments, never back
down. In the face of irrefutable proof just look at her and ask;
“Who are you going to
believe? Me, or your eyes?!”
This will establish
confidence in yourself and what girl doesn't love confidence?
If all above fails, hang out
with Brian Kibler and live off his scraps!
I hope this article helped
all you love sick bros out there because I love you all and just want you to be
Any questions or issues
you're having, don't be afraid to send a question my way.